The step children wanna talk

Today I tweeted:

 

‘After my mother died, my dad got remarried in 96. In his house (my supposed home) when you enter, there are family pics, but none of the Mazwai girls....is it me or is that witchraft? It’s bothered me for twenty years now.’

 

I thought I was about to tell my personal story kanti I would be inundated with ‘me-too’s.’ I realised WE HAVE A PROBLEM. Do parents and step parents realise the amount of emotional and mental damage they cause children with the decisions they make? With all the depression in our society there is no denying that we as a whole are an emotionally damaged society. Perhaps a time has come for us to look into our family units to see where this damage is coming from.

 

Clearly, like millions of families my family has struggled with the concept of ‘blending.’ My family unit has been broken since my father got married in 96. It has been a long and difficult journey which has had definite effects on my life journey and how I relate with people.

I am concerned about the children. I am deeply concerned about decisions taken by adults that affect children. I feel like if we perhaps talk about these things then men and women can be better equipped at raising other people’s children.

 

So many men and women are willing to sacrifice their children for ‘love.’ I am scared of this ‘love’ that leaves children broken. When is it about the feelings of the children? Why do we have men and women who are so desperate to please their partners that they are willing to erase their own blood? We have reached a point where a woman will turn a blind eye to her lover raping her daughter.

This is a heavy topic and it is something that needs to be addressed. When a parent does more for their child than their partner’s child- how do we think that this affects the children? I often wonder if parents realise that they cause the division between children. And from my own journey I have learnt that it can end up in a tragic manner where everybody loses.

 

What is the protocol to step parenting? It is such a common occurrence that perhaps we need a ‘bible’ that deals with family dynamics and guides families. We need to have these conversation, we have big families that have omunye phez’komunye dynamics.

How is it that a person can expect their partner to take care of their children but not the other way round? How is it that a man can sleep at night and not know the whereabouts of his own children? I find the way we are doing things deeply troubling and devastating.  Anybody can love their own child- the true measure of character is how you love another’s child.

 

My other concern is what happens when those children become adults? Abusive step parents don’t operate in some deep underworld, they happen in our communities. People who keep quiet about children being mistreated amaze- ‘all those years you watched me in trouble and you said nothing? Now you want my ‘hello’ my elder?’ This conversation really needs to be addressed. I am mad as hell that I don’t have my talk show yet where we can talk about all these issues honestly in the way that ONLY Ntsiki Mazwai can.

 

But on today’s episode bazalwane can we hand the microphone over to the step children...can we hear their stories? Because when all is said and done, we will not look at the children we will look to adults and say ‘What happened? You were the grown up in the situation.’

 

Gents, Ladies can we do better? This is real life. Every child deserves love.

 

Even after twenty years there is room for healing if only people just own up to their own mistakes. Nobody expects perfection...just accountability.

Love and Light

MaMiya