Toxic parenting

I turn 40 this year so I need to find ways to consolidate all my talents and personalities and bring everything together.
Welcome back to my blogs. I never know what burning issue I'm going to unpack I just follow my spirit.

Today my spirit wants to talk about people who adopt children and then treat their children more special. Guys stop. It's witchcraft. Rather don't adopt. You are more worthy of our respect when you don't adopt than when you adopt only to emotionally abuse children.

Adopting takes A LOT of emotional maturity. It is not for everybody. It's an extremely difficult journey that has nothing to do with Bazothini. It feeds your ego to tell people that you took on your family members child to raise but you don't tell them about the emotional turmoil you have created for the child. The child who has to applaud when you buy your children nice things. The child whom you treat as a nuisance and charity case must stick it out because they have no choice. They have nowhere to go so they must find ways to deal with the special treatment being given to the 'real' children.

For me, the biggest danger in this situation is the division it creates between children growing up in the same home. It fuels jealousy and resentment. The parents are often shocked when there is war between the children but they are the ones who created the war. I have personal experience of this. In the end of my relationship with my late  step sister they had bought her a car, after many many many many years of watching the special treatment I walked away from the relationship. We had always been very close but it had always taken a lot of maturity from my side to watch her get designer clothes and even a cellphone when they first came out. In the end the gifts she kept receiving created a distance between us one which we didn't end up fixing before she died. One of my biggest regrets. What was even worse is that I found out only after she passed that she had returned the car. So I speak from experience when I say that parents who treat their own children special compared to the adopted children are toxic and need to be called out.
We need better parenting. Don't adopt children if you don't have the heart it takes.

In most cases you find that the child who didn't get special attention tends to be the one who achieves more in life while the special child usually begins to self destruct. I'm no psychologist but I often wonder if this is not from the guilt of knowing that they were treated better and they begin to hate themselves. Is it even fair to blame the child for the mistakes and flaws of their parents?

It's so sad to watch the 'real' children flaunt their 'blessings' in front of the step child. It really is a difficult thing to watch. It's sad to watch mothers raise children and only buy their children cars. It's sad to watch the older adopted child who helped raise the others have to applaud for the little ones when they get big gifts. It's sad and it's triggering.

Today.... I am reminded that it takes a VERY special woman to raise children that are not her own with love... It's not for everybody.
Today I ask the great spirit that if I ever have to raise someone else's children I have the grace and maturity to raise them with the same love I would give my own.

Camagu

 

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